So you thought all Wine Country had to offer was vineyards, beaches and big trees?
Think again...

Roadside Distractions*
by Debra D. Bass and John Beck
 

   Freewheeling author, Tom Robbins got plenty of mileage out  of "Another Roadside Attraction", so we thought we'd give it a shot.
   Now that spring has sprung a leak and Sunday drives are worth driving, the never-ending quest to delight friends and visitors  with the wonders of Sonoma County continues.
   You can always embark upon the breathless winery tour, but how much palate fatigue can you really take?  There's the beach, but can you ever really trust the weather?
   In the spirit of blue highways and college road trips, take your faithful followers to the top of Gravity Hill (maybe throw some Deep Purple on the tape deck), throw the car in neutral and watch it slowly roll uphill.  Or marvel at well-worn coastal rocks where wily mastodons once shook copious booty.  Or, if you're up to the challenge, search for the ever-elusive Statue of Liberty in Freestone.
   In no particular order, here's a whirlwind tour of local roadside attractions:

Hitchcock's 'The Birds' School

   St. Teresa of Avila Catholic Church and the Bodega schoolhouse both appeared in Alfred Hitchcock's 1963 thriller that forever changed the way the nation looked at the elegance of a flock of avian creatures innocently roosting on a pathway or along a high wire.
   The irrational fear that the creatures are plotting to violently take over the world still causes some pause.  But for horror movie buffs whose only lament about winged creatures is their lack of potty training, a tour of "The Birds" school and a peek at St. Teresa's may provide the perfect photo op.
   Tours of the school are available at 2 p.m. Thursday through Sunday; call (707) 876-3257 for reservations.  There are no tours of the church, but there are five Masses a week.
   How to get there:  Take Highway 12/Bodega Highway west, and you'll easily spot the church on your left in the town of Bodega; the "Potter School" is nestled almost directly behind it (incidentally, this is about six miles inland from Bodega Bay, where most of the film was shot, including scenes at the Tides Bar and Restaurant where actress Tippi Hedren rushes in after the attack on the schoolchildren).

Mastodon Rock

                       (To read more on Mastodon Rock on a follow-up story...click here)

   In the naturally occurring speculative phenomenon category of roadside oddities, we present the rock formations at Goat Rock state beach.  The rocks are highly regarded among climbers, but archaeologist-types see more that challenging nooks and crannies for footholds when they examine the surface.
   Geologists, paleontologists and others interested in prehistoric happenings believe the rocks were used as scratching posts by herds of migrating mastodons and mammoths about 10,000 to 20,000 years ago.
   It has been proven that these animals once roamed our lush terrain, and rock rubbing is a common enough animal trait among modern species to fuel the theory.
   But don't expect any "Wooly Mammoths scratched butt here" signs; the hypothesis is still just a hypothesis, even though everyone seems anxious to believe it's true.
   What you'll see are smooth, highly glossed patches around the rock's surface that have no other reason for being there unless someone go happy with a portable sander.  Most of the rubbings are on the south side facing the water, which leads us to believe that prehistoric animals enjoyed a good view just as much as we do today; this, however, is not being postulated by the scientists.
   It's officially known as Sunset Rock, but excited archaeologists are anxious to call it by the not-so-sentimental sounding Pleistocene Park.  We'd like to vote on the compromise of Mastodon Rock, but nobody is asking us.
   How to get there:  Once you get to Bodega Bay, head north on Highway 1 about 10 miles.  Goat Rock will be on your left.  Stop at the second trail head and you'll look out over a small field.  There will be two visible rock formations.  Mastodon Rock is on you right.  The left-most rock has an easy trail up the waterfront side that offers a nice view from the top.
   Information:  State Parks Department, (707) 865-2391.

Statue Of Liberty

   "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.  Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.  I lift my lamp beside the golden door."
   OK, it's not that Statue of Liberty, just a amusing 10-foot copy draped in Christmas lights for nighttime viewing.  But it made us smile.
   How to get there:  Head west on Highway 12/Bodega Highway toward the shore and turn into Firestone (there's no prominent city sign so be alert as you leave a winding tree-covered road and see the inkling of a town on the right).  To find Lady Liberty drive to the lot next to a windmill down the main drag and pull up to a wooden platform.  Walk up the steps for a view of the statue across the water to your left.
   Tip:  Stop in at the gardens of Wishing Well Nursery for a look at the classic sculpture of "Spring:  The Garland Ladies" that graced the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco before the building was restored in the '60s.  And run, don't walk, to Wildflour Bread for whatever they have hot out of the oven for the day.  The Saturday special Calyspo bread is stuffed with spices, coconut, mango, pineapple and other heavenly things, but the Sticky Bun will always be a favorite because it is truly the stickiest, gooiest, yummiest sweet-tooth extravagance this side of the Golden Gate.

Florence Avenue

   This Sebastopol neighborhood is littered with some of the most delightful and decorative junk in the county.  Artist Patrick Amiot, whose favorite medium is scrap metal, has enchanted or enlisted about a dozen of his neighbors to provide real estate for displaying his eccentric creations.
   We'd give you his address, but it's easier to have you look for "The Strongman," an 18-foot-tall sculpture that uses the body of an old rowboat, a wash basin as a chin and a trash can and barbecue as weights to fashion the image of a caveman-era strength trainer.
   It's almost as much fun to look at the humor in the sculptures as it is to decipher the items used to create them.  His neighbors' yards sport homages to the '60s television show "Batman," firefighters, surfer girls, space aliens, farmers and cute tongue-wagging canine sidekicks.
   How to get there:  Head west on Highway 12 and turn right on Florence Avenue a few blocks past Main Street.
   Tip:  Family fun day or night.  All the pieces incorporate working headlights and taillights set on timers.  At sundown the block is cued to start twinkling.  We especially like "The Zucchini Brothers," a stack of circus jugglers with trash-can bodies and heads from motorcycle gas tanks.  A series of lights flashes in sequence to give the illusion that they're really juggling.

Rubber-Band Ball

   If you've ever become obsessed over crafting a string of paperclips into a chain or started stacking loose change into a tower of tottering proportions, you'll love the Keishk brothers' colossal rubber-band ball.
   It started as Sami's alternative to thumb twiddling behind the counter at their corner market location in San Francisco, and over the course of 3 1/2 years grew to a mass of 2,600 pounds of rubber bands standing a squat 5-by-5 feet.
   Technically, it hasn't been rated in the world record analogs, but Sami (the fanatic) and Nabil (who hates the rubber-band craze but says "we can't stop now") plan to add another 100 pounds of rubber and then call in the officials.
   The current record holder in Scotland weighs in at only 2,500 pounds or so.  "We wanna make it big enough so that it keeps the record for a while," Nabil said.
   There is actually a steep, un-promoted international competition going on.  There's a 2,508-pound ball in Delaware.
   How to get there:  Pride Superette Market is located at 3398 22nd St. (at Guerrero Street), San Francisco.  (415) 826-5584.
   Tip:  Don't touch the rubber-band ball.  Some folks have been snapping the bands and accidentally breaking the strands, and the brothers aren't shy about telling you to back off.  If it's covered up, nicely ask one of the brothers to give you a peek.

Vintage Planes

   This Tomcat aircraft's last mission was to Sonoma County in July 1995 when it joined the Pacific Coast Air Museum as a permanent reminder of the services performed by these machines and the crews that maintained and flew them in defense of this United States.
   So whether you drive by to take in the awesome power of the various former military planes now housed there behind a chain-link fence or park and stroll the yard, you'll likely find yourself in awe.
   On April 19 and 20, you can climb aboard an F-14A Tomcat and an F-16N Viper for a bird's eye view from the cockpit.
   How to get there:  2330 Airport Blvd., Santa Rosa.  575-7900, www.pacificcoastairmuseum.org.
   Hours:  10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Tuesday and Thursday.  10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.  Admission $3, under 12 free.

Fluffy R.I.P.

   It's no wonder Errol Morris' "Gates of Heaven" is one of the most quirky and honest documentaries of all time.  Its subject:  Bubbling Wells Pet Memorial Park outside of Napa.  Imagine over 10,000 pets (don't miss the birds and snakes) resting in eerie mountainside peace.
   Not far from the picturesque Foothill and Olive Tree gardens, don't miss the Garden of Companionship--the final resting place for the Gentle Giants (Great Danes and Saint Bernards), Champions, Kitty Kurve and the Mighty Midgets.
   How to get there:  2462 Atlas Peak Road, west of Napa.  255-3456.  Open 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday.  9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.

Hubcaps Galore

   Behold the folk art of Litto Damonte, the Pope Valley Hubcap King.  Don't mind that these days a lively pack of dogs roams inside the fence of the tucked-away ranch, you can still park along the desolate road and take a gander at the endless assemblage of more than 2,000 hubcaps in every shape, size and glittering color.
   Also, look out for 200 birdhouses, pull-tops and bottles that are now honored as part of the state historic landmark.
   How to get there:  6654 Pope Valley Road, just over 2 miles northwest of Pope Valley.

Believe It Or Not

   Buried with his mother Lillie Belle and father Isaac, Robert Ripley is hard to find in the Santa Rosa Rural Cemetery.  The only distinguishing feature is the quirky "Ripley's Believe It or Not" font on the marker.
   One has to wonder if the world-famous Santa Rosan was rolling in his grave when local barfboy Lance Ozanix was recently featured on "Ripley's Believe It or Not" TV show for making art by vomiting on canvas.
   Actually, once you're there you should check out the fascinating self-guided tour that features a memorial to 1906 earthquake victims, the gravesite of a War of 1812 veteran and a locust tree where criminals were once hanged.  Look for pamphlets in the cemetery office of Franklin Street.
   How to get there:  Enter the old cemetery from Franklin Street just south of Poppy Road, and park by the mausoleum.  The maker lies about 50 yards south of the mausoleum and about 30 yards from Franklin, near a large juniper bush.

Time Capsule

   Dwarfing his modest abode, Fred Stoke's Redwood Highway ranch is a Luddite's tribute to a bygone era when gas was pumped in tall glass cylindrical tanks and oil was sold in bottles.
   Collecting for only about a decade, the former business contractor has amassed a sprawling yard full of historical treasures.  Art classes have been known to camp out on his front yard and paint pictures of the mock General Store he built to house his thousands of vintage oil cans, the Signal gas station he salvaged from the corner of Fifth and Wilson streets in San Rosa (back when gas was less than a quarter) and the hard-to-miss horse-drawn farming implements that act as a fence.
   How to get there:  5525 Old Redwood Highway, between Fulton and Shiloh roads.

Petrified Forest

   It claims to have the "largest petrified trees in the world"--not the "tallest" because the once towering redwoods now lie on the ground--but the Petrified Forest near Calistoga is still impressive.
   Check out "The Giant," "The Queen of the Forest" and "Rock of Ages" along a 15-minute hike.  Read plenty about how a volcano 3 million years ago helped turn the wood to stone.  Also learn about "Petrified Forest Charlie" who unearthed the stony grove and was immortalized in Robert Louis Stevenson's "Silverado Squatters."
   If you're looking for kitschy, beyond the miniature mule and miner statues frolicking in the forest, check out petrified-rock "pets," earrings and key chains in the gift shop.
   How to get there:  4100 Petrified Forest Road off Calistoga Road, near Calistoga.  942-6667.  Admission:  $5.

Old Faithful Geyser

   One of only a few geysers to earn the "Old Faithful" designation (based on regular gusting intervals), the Old Faithful in Calistoga spews about every 30-40 minutes on average.  Sometimes it feels about as glacial as making movies ("hurry up and wait"); other times you show up and the geyser greets you with a 30-to-60-foot gust almost immediately.
   Don't miss the Tennessee fainting goats (they suffer from myotonia, which can paralyze them when they're frightened).  But good luck trying to make them faint.  "They were easy to scare when they were younger," and employee said.  "But now it's pretty rare."
   In the mini-museum, check out claims that the geyser fore-shadows upcoming earthquakes.  And while you're there, don't forget to take a big whiff of that sweet sulfurous spring water.
   How to get there:  1299 Tubbs Lane, Calistoga.  942-6463.

Gravity Hill

   Don't ask why, just drive:  Down Petaluma Hill Road, past Sonoma State University going south, turn left on Roberts Road, then right on Lichou Road.  At the top of the hill, you'll pass a large iron-grate sign that says "Gracias Santiago."
   When you cross the cattle-guard, look down a sloping grade that clearly appears to run downhill.  Go about 10-15 yards, stop, throw it in neutral and say your prayers as the car rolls uphill toward the cattle guard.
  It's a strange "surrural" phenomena that has dazzled partying teens and baffled ranchers for decades.  Don't forget your moonboots.